Bullies in Schools - The Bullied

The previous blog entry is on the traits of bullies in school.

As such, to prevent your child to fall prey to such school bullies, it is best that as a parent, you should look out for some signs, or rather changes in behaviour, that shows that your child is being a target of the bullies. Normally, if a child is being bullied in school, he/she would not want people, especially his/her parents and teachers, as he/she is normally threatened by the bully not to let anyone know about the incident.

Nevertheless, the signs may be as below:

1) Your child may become afraid of walking to and from school, especially if by himself/herself.
2) Your child may want to change the usual route to and back from school.
3) Your child may not want you to go on the school bus, as he/her may not want you to
know about the bullying, which may be taking place in the school bus.
4) Your child may beg or want you to drive them to school
5) Your child may be unwilling to go to school, such as pretending to feel ill in the mornings. What is even worse is that he/she may begin to play truant, to avoid school altogether and at the same time prevent arousing your suspicion.
6) Your child may also begin to perform poorly in tests and assignments.
7) Your child may return home rather often with damaged clothes or books, or that you begin to find that his/her possessions start to go missing.
8) Your child may come home, rather often, starving, as the bully has taken the money for lunch, or that his/her pocket money is often "lost".
9) Your child may become withdrawn, start stammering, lack confidence
10) Your child may become distressed and anxious, stop eating
11) Your child may attempt or threaten suicide
12) Your child may cry themselves to sleep or even have nightmares frequently
13) A rather obvious sign, is that your child has unexplained bruises, cuts, scratches
14) Your child becomes aggressive and unreasonable and even start to bully his/her siblings

If your child really does exhibit some of the signs as listed above, there is a high chance that your child is already a victim and it is really time that you have a good chat with him/her, find out the source of the behavioural change and put a stop to the tormentation of your child before it gets worse.

Generally speaking, if there is an abnormal change in behaviour exhibited by your child recently and you are unable to pinpoint the source of change, it might be due to bullying. Thus, as a concerned parent, it is high time that you spend some time and have a good chat with your child.

Annie

Bullies in Schools

Perhaps to add on to the book review yesterday, as the seriousness of the problem is rather alarming to not be overlooked, since it was mentioned that about one in seven schoolchildren has been either a bully or the target of a bully (from US National Association of School Psychologists) (For parents out there, what are your thoughts this very moment after reading this? Are you wondering that perhaps your child is already a victim? A silent victim perhaps?)

According to Barbara Coloroso's definition in the book as mentioned in the earlier post- "bullying is a conscious, wilful, and deliberate hostile activity intended to harm, induce fear through the threat of further aggression, and create terror". From the definition, it is obvious that irregardless of the aggressor's or the victim's sake, bullying should really be stopped in schools.

In her book, Barbara, with her years of experience of working with kids, has listed the common traits of bullies from her observation, irregardless of their ways and means of bullying:

1) Like to dominate other people.

2) Like to use other people to get what they want.

3) Find it hard to see a situation from the other person's vantage point.

4) Are concerned only with their own wants and pleasures and not the needs, rights, and

feelings of others.

5) Tend to hurt other kids when parents or other adults are not around.

6) View weaker siblings or peers as prey (bullying is also known as "predatory aggression" - a

scary term, to be sure, but not as scary as the actual behaviour it defines.)

7) Use blame, criticism, and false allegations to project their own inadequacies onto their target.

8) Refuse to accept responsibility for their actions.

9) Lack foresight - that is, the ability to consider the short-term, long-term, and possible

unintended consequences of their current behaviour.

10) Crave attention.

Perhaps, to look on the flip side of the coin, parents, after reading this, perhaps the descriptions remind you of a person that you know? Your child perhaps? Could they be the aggressors in the school terrosizing the weak and young, instead of being the victim as what you might have thought?

Speak to them! Ask them! Perhaps you might be able to prevent your child from doing something that he may regret for the rest of his life!

Something to think about for tonight.

Annie

The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander

This post is a review of a book that I have just finish reading today. The title is "The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander - from preschool to high school - how parents and teachers can help break the cycle of violence", by Barbara Coloroso and is published by Piccadilly Press, London, 2003.

If you are not aware, thousands of children go to school each day filled with fear; sometimes they dread school to such an extent that they feign illness in order to avoid going to school. All these are results of the common occurance of bullying in schools. Bullying in schools has become so commonplace nowadays and is not restricted to a particular location or country - it occurs in US, UK, New Zealand, and even in the Asian countries, like Singapore!

As such, given the magnitude of the problem, author and educator Barbara Coloroso addressed this issue in the book.

The book is divided into two parts - Part One is dedicated to the discussion on the three main characters in the case of bullying. Part Two is an exploration on how the home, school and community have played a part in setting the stage for bullying to take place, and as such, how the three can come together to break the cycle and foster a safer and hamonious learning environment for all children to study in.

Be warned beforehand that one can be prepared to be chilled by the horrendous accounts of some of the cases of bullying narrated in the book. It is rather difficult to imagine that a child is capable of such acts of menace at such a young age to another person. What could have caused it to happen?

After reading the book, I find that it is indeed a grime situation that we are facing, and thus, to ensure that the children of today have a safer environment to grow up and study in, it is imperative for adults, especially those with the authority and responsibility, such as parents and teachers, to identify potential cases and solve them before they aggravate and avanlanche into problems with dire consequences which we would rather that they were stopped in the first place.

It is quite a good and informative (quite a number of statistics, tips and case studies are available) book for those who are interested in the topic, teachers in schools, and as well as those who have kids in school. You might not be aware that your kid has already become a victim of bullying, for most of the victims choose to remain silent about it. However, there are techniques in the book to help you to identify and solutions offered to rescue your child out of the situation before it is too late to do so.

Annie